Being Thainapped...

Sunday, June 22, 2008

Being kidnapped is something you can't possibly hope to avoid in this land. The sun rises, breakfast is made, and then you're kidnapped. Not in any sort of mean spirited sense of the word. It's actually difficult to phrase such an action as a kidnapping as you are often a willing participant in this bizarre trek across half of Southeast Asia. But of course you can't say no to such a request because such an a front would appear as being mildly offensive. They are after all offering to take you to some distant place which you have never been before. A free meal might be involved. Perhaps some tea? Never dare ask where you are going! You were already told about this yesterday. But no memory of such an event can be brought forward and as such, you are left confused yet calm. Nothing can possibly go wrong? "Get in..."

Ban Triam School has lost a total of three teachers over the past few months and now they will soon lose more. A goodbye party was held at a wonderful little restaurant just outside of town for two more teachers who have by now already departed us. A full spread of traditional Thai dishes were offered including the staple, rice. My co-teacher and I arrived on time which translates to being roughly thirty minutes early to find our Pa-ah (principle) already sitting at the head of the table. A conductor surveying a mighty orchestra which had yet to show up for the grand show. Yet still proud he stands at his post, prepared to lead sweeping movements and first chairs who would inevitably be lost without him.

We sat down and began to talk about the Euro Cup tournament taking place on the other side of the world. Christino Ronaldo is the next big thing right now and so all of Thailand loves both Manchester United as well as the Portuguese national team. Sunshine fans in the Land of Smiles. It only makes sense considering the miles of beaches available for tanning. This is false hope though. Any true fan of the sport could clearly see that while Ronaldo is quiet possibly one of the finest players on the planet right now, the Portuguese national team is nothing without him. I knew this but did they? Did my Pa-ah?

Shortly there after the rest of the faulty from our school arrived including the two guests of honor. Two teachers would be leaving our school the very next day and while this was a time to celebrate, I had no idea which of the 13 or 14 teachers they were. I leaned over and asked my co-teacher Moosa to solve this riddle for me, QUIETLY!!!. Not being a subtle man, he surprised me by describing the two teachers in a very discrete manor by the way they were dressed. "Sea sit necks to you. Ok? You know hu? And sea weas black. The othe teacha." Ah yes. I knew them well. Well, I knew them well enough in the sense that I knew their faces and could point them out in a police line up if requested. "It was them officer! They shot Kennedy!" I didn't know their names though. One teacher could very easily win the village beauty contest so long as she kept her mouth shut. The second she flashed a smile at the judges though the whole ship was sunk. A quick glimpse would reveal a smile containing multiple rows of teeth. Like a shark. But her personality didn't match. She was shy and quiet nearly all of the time and a simple hello was the whole of our friendship. She was a mute shark.

The second teacher - the one sitting next to me - was a racist caricature of every Asian one could imagine from 1945 America. Propaganda posters of Emperor Tojo couldn't do her justice since if my memory services me right, Emperor Tojo was bald and this young woman had long black hair. I highly doubt they're related but I suppose the possibility does exist and if so, well - I guess that makes for an interesting story then. Someone should illustrate it. Or perhaps just paint her portrait.

As it turned out, my Pa-ah didn't know what I knew about the Portuguese National team. They were due to play the Germans that night and he was so confident about their impending victory as well as their fate as Euro Cup 2008 Champions that he placed 100 baht on the table. This got the attention of the faulty and I suppose that I should have said no but I couldn't turn down a sure thing. So I placed my last 100 baht bill down on the table and the bet was made. Germany won that night 3-2 and feeling guilty over my new found wealth, I gave the money to Moosa for gas.

Following dinner, speeches were made and honors were given. It's very difficult to appear to give a rats ass when a long winded speaker is slowly melting the polar ice caps by filling the surrounding area with oh so much hot air - but this is made even more difficult when one can not understand a single word that is being spoken. Frank Black lyrics were spinning in my mind as my Pa-ah's words literally would have made for the perfect white noise maker. He was turned up to eleven.


Eventually I was asked to give a speech after the rest of the faulty gave short speeches. I pride myself on my bullshit abilities but I wondered if such skills would transfer in a foreign land. Their are of course different topics and subjects which are traditionally touched upon and avoided during such speeches and it would be important for me to know the difference. Another challenge...I don't really speak Thai. So I stumbled through what little I knew speaking about the importance of family and how I thought the school was my family. I told the two teachers about how said I was that they were leaving and how I felt that part of my family was leaving. I told them how sad I was about this but how it gave me hope that if they could make such friends in this community that they could do anything and become very successful in their new communities. Chok-dee (Best wishes/Good luck). At no point did I address them individually or mention their names. It would have been rude, I thought to mention how sad I was that Mute Shark and Lady Tojo were leaving the school. Poor taste indeed.


The evening ended and I was released from my captivity. This release is only temporary as I expect to be kidnapped at any time and at any place in the near future. It is best to keep a over night bag packed and ready. The house should be prepared to be abandoned and all things should be in order for a quick evacuation. This is standard in Thailand. This is standard for those who know they are about to be kidnapped. No guns... just a friendly smile and a meal (more than likely). Laundry will have to wait for tomorrow...unless you're kidnapped again...and again...and again...and again.

Been Busy...

Monday, June 9, 2008


I can remember seeing images of forest fires being broadcast from California for as long as I can remember. The red glow filling the living room like some back ally in Amsterdam now reflecting off of my face nearly every evening. There must be a forest fire nearby. This seems unlikely as everything is too wet...to humid for a small brush fire to run like the devil across the open jungles of southern Thailand. But then again Florida is on fire, or at least it was the last time I heard anything about it. Maybe a hurricane fixed that problem. I suppose anything is possible. This is Thailand after all and anything really is possible. I doubt the far side of the mountain which looks after my village is on fire. Someone would have said something. Instead I am left with the mirroring image of the sunset bouncing its way off of the ocean, mountains, and clouds as it slowly fades away from me and only begins to rise for you. Somewhere in that moment the nights sky begins to fade away leaving everything red. It gives an odd color to the jungle around me.

I wonder if their is a slight moment between when the sun sets just beyond the reach of the ocean and when it begins to rise just above the tree line in the east on the other side of the world. Is it instant or is their a moment of darkness? Is the earth that big?

Not too long ago an e-mail floated around the Internet. Something about how we don't really read or pronounce words anymore but instead only see the first and last letters of a word and make an assumption of what we believe the word to be. I culod plobraby wtire sehntiomg hbrorile aobut yuor mtoehr and I can olny ausmse taht you can alaltcuy raed tihs buaesce of
sehntiomg I raed on the ineertnt. Thai children face this same problem in a slightly different way. Except the ability to pronounce such words eludes them.

Following the compulsory greeting given by the students which is return by myself... parrots speaking to each other... it can be fun to throw the occasion wrench in the works... roughly 28 or so 4th graders sit down and prepare to learn something from the pale skinned foreigner. At the very least he looks funny. This should be interesting for a least an hour. Time to warm up with some basics in pronunciation.

"Are you ready?" although asked rhetorically it is still given with a bit of casual enthusiasm.
"Yes!" a little loud. They could do better.
"Are you ready?!"
"YES!!!"


Repeat as needed in various forms including deep monster style voice and high pitched girlie-man voice. Make sure to include hand gestures and various postures as well.

Three letter nonsense words work best and by breaking them up into the individual letters, they can slowly begin to understand the pronunciation behind each letter and how such combinations of letters can form different pronunciations.


B - A - T
BA - T
BAT

Half the time the words don't even make sense and the other 2/3ths of the time the kids don't even know what the word actually means. That doesn't really mater. The definition doesn't really mater. A bat could be a small piece of fabric found only in Japanese shopping centers. Who cares. They just sounded the word out on their own which is what is really important. Figuring out how to work a dictionary... similar to operating a 1995 Dodge Neon... will have to wait until next week. Or next month. One step at a time. Tiny steps. Very tiny steps. Seriously, don't walk so fast.

Last week I was teaching students in six separate classrooms at two schools while my weekend was spent about two hours south of here in Khao Lak. This morning was greeted by a site evaluation while tomorrow will be another full day of teaching including English club before journeying to Bangkok for further training which will take place in Kon Kaen. Or maybe Kon Kean. Or is it Khon Kaen? Perhaps I'll just say I have a week ahead of me full of further Peace Corps training about 14 hours away from me by bus. A very long journey ahead which I'm not looking forward to although some more time away from site sounds wonderful at the moment. Although I will miss my students every moment I am away from them, I can't help but look forward to the chance to be with fellow volunteers again. We'll be making fart jokes.


P.S. This is a Tokay. Common in Thailand, they can average about 12 to 14 inches in length and primarily eat smaller geckos and larger insects. This guy, whose name is Mr. Tokay, casually lives in my house like an indoor/outdoor cat. He comes and goes as he wishes. We have an agreement. He doesn't hangout in my room and I don't kill him.










 
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